Wednesday, October 16, 2002

THE RALPHIE TREATMENT, EXPLAINED

This is a good example of the type of e-mail we've received since mentioning The Ralphie Treatment:

Okay, I hate to admit ignorance, but I seem to be unable to find out what this means. The Sopranos fans I have talked to have given me no solid answers for what happened that is so "uncomfortable" for guys. Could somebody throw me a bone on this one?

Douglas Reynolds


OK, Doug, while attempting to give you visual image of The Ralphie Treatment, we will also attempt to follow all social niceties.

It seems that Ralphie Cifaretto and his main squeeze, Janice Soprano, like to role-play in the bedroom. Apparently, Ralphie seems to enjoy being treated like an underachieving prostitute by an over-agitated pimp, played by Janice. Ralphie APPEARS to be the recipient of some sort of repeated penetration by Janice.

Oh, it’s just so gross!

THE WEST MEMPHIS THREE

It's been 9 and a half years since three little boys were brutally murdered, and three older boys were charged with the crimes. While we don't know if The West Memphis Three are guilty or not, it sure is an interesting tale.

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

HUSSEIN RETURNED TO POWER!!

In a stunning result, incumbent Saddam Hussein (B-Baghdad) was re-elected to his position of President For Life for another 7-year term. With 100% of the precincts reporting, Hussein and his Baath party received 100% of the vote, bettering his mark of 99.96% in the last election.

Hussein campaign manager Khalil Khamas was ecstatic. “We knew we had the issues that resonated with the Iraqi people.” said Khamas. “We closed strong with the undecided’s, and praise be to Allah, we had good weather and a strong turnout.”
RULE ONE PROBLEM

Canadian attorney Peter Ritchie had no problem defending the worst accused serial killer in the Great White North's history. Ritchie only withdrew from defending Robert Pickton, accused of 15 murders and suspected in many more, when Pickton developed a Rule 1 problem. What is Rule 1 to all attorneys?

Get paid.
GOOD NEWS!!

Catherine Zeta-Jones is pregnant again, expecting her second child in the spring. This can only mean that Zeta-Jones will stop doing those inane cell phone commercials that make us want to vomit.

Monday, October 14, 2002

THE INTERSTATE 5 SERIES

Well, it doesn't have the same cache as the Subway Series, but the Anaheim Angels and San Francisco Giants will meet in the Interstate 5 Series starting Saturday. May the best, and most southern, team win.

UPDATE: Calpundit mocks our calling the upcoming series The Interstate 5 Series because I-5 doesn't go through San Francisco, and nominates The 101 Series, but come on! You ever drove the 101 to San Francisco? Sure the sights are nice, but it takes like 9 and a half hours. No, to make good time, it's the I-5 baby.
OUCH!

Laura Ingraham's weekly E-Blast! opens with this assessment of the race to be California's Governor:

There's an old saying in politics that you can't beat something with nothing. Unfortunately, in California's governor's race, the campaign of Republican challenger Bill Simon has been marked by a lot of nothing, unless you count missteps and miscalculations. The most recent Simon embarrassment involved his claim that a photo of incumbent governor Gray Davis receiving a political contribution was taken at Davis' government office (which would have been illegal). Simon's claim turned out to be inaccurate, and the photo flap made him look desperate.

There have been many instances of Simon mishandling issues and squandering opportunities during the past year, but more than anything he simply lacks the personal charisma and passion on the stump needed to make Californians sit up and listen.


Laura sounds kind of sad this week.
OH COME ON!

Jim Caple has a nice little column about the Anaheim Angels burying the demons of seasons past, but has to leave us with this ominous paragraph:

Of course, as anyone who plays for a team owned by a movie company should know, demons have a nagging habit of coming back in a sequel. After all, the Angels haven't won the World Series yet. And the Red Sox can tell them some stories about how cruel that curse can be.