A NEW IDEA ON IRAQ

"I had hoped that we could get to the point where we could pass a resolution this week on Iraq. But we really developed some physical problems, if nothing else. . . . So we have decided that the most important thing is not to move so quickly but to make sure that we have had all the right questions asked and answered and that we have available to us the latest information about what is . . . happening with our allies in the world.

"The Senate is known for its deliberate actions. And the longer I stay in the Senate, the more I have learned to appreciate it. It does help to give us time to think about the potential problems and the risks and the ramifications and to, frankly, press the administration."

Who said it? Daschle? Gephardt? Kennedy?

Nope. It was Trent Lott!

Seriously.

Of course, he said it in 1998, under President Bill Clinton.

IS NEW YORK A HYPOCRITICAL TOWN?

Well, we’re about to find out. Remember back in 1999 when John Rocker made an ass of himself by simply opening his mouth? He ripped, among other things, foreigners, homosexuals, and people stricken with purple hair. New York was up in arms. Rocker became the most hated man in New York, and numerous death threats were made against the relief pitcher.

Now, Jeremy Shockey recently had this to say concerning homosexuals:

"No. I mean, if I knew there was a gay guy on my college football team, I probably wouldn't, you know, stand for it. You know, I think, you know, they're going to be in the shower with us and stuff, so I don't think that's gonna work."

You think The Big Apple is gearing up for another Rocker-like reaction to Shockey's comments? We doubt it, as Shockey plays tight end for the New York Giants.

IS THIS EVEN LOGICAL?

Here's President Bush at another of the myriad fundraisers he's attended at 'this time of war':

PRESIDENT BUSH: There's no doubt his hatred is mainly directed at us. There's no doubt he can't stand us, after all this is the guy who tried to kill my dad at one time.

Now, let's see if we have this straight. Sadam Hussein has killed millions of Kurds, Iranians, and fired 39 scud missles at Israel during the Gulf War, and his hatred is directly mainly at us?

A DAILY SHOW MOMENT

During Wednesday's The Daily Show, we got this exchange:

JOHN STEWART: The President also has a canny understanding of the equally volatile Israeli-Palestinian standoff, and the ramifications it has on peace throughout the entire region.

(Cut to video tape of President Bush)

PRESIDENT BUSH: We've got to promote the leadership that is willing to condemn terror and at the same time work toward the embetterment of of the lives of the Palestinian people.

STEWART: Powerful words but, can the embetterment of Palestine be achieved? For more we turn to The Daily Show's senior middle east analyst, Stephen Colbert, live from Jerusalem. Stephen?

COLBERT: Thank you, John. There's no question that the President's statement was one of great benoblement. But, ultimately, talk is encheapened and simply prowording the situation will not end the bedangerment. Never the irregardless, many in the Muslimated community are not unnondispleased that Bush has strongly destandified himself against what they perceive as Israeli precursionment.

STEWART: Stephen, I think we all understand that, but isn't there, in many peoples estimation, a certain amount of riskifying involved with this sort of bickbackering? Now, what if the Israeli peopleree become ascared of losing what I think you have to call their priniffashippalinked alley?

COLBERT: John, what part of embetterment don't you understand? The President could not have been going to have been more clear. The Israelis and the Palestinians are scared to the point of deshitment. And that is no way to live, John. I believe...I believe it was FDR Roosevelt who said 'We have nothing to befear but our own enfearment.' Truer words were never enspeechened.

MATTHEWS CATCHES ON

Here's Chris Matthews on Donahue this evening:

MATTHEWS: I sometimes wish that George Bush, as much as I like him, had read more books before he met this (pro-war) crowd.

So do we, Chris. So do we.

ANOTHER GEORGE BUSH CLASSIC

During Crossfire's political alert, we got another fabulous moment from our President:

REPORTER: Mr. President, do you believe that Sadam Hussein is a bigger threat to the United States than Al Qaeda?

PRESIDENT BUSH: Uh...(chuckle)...that's a uh...uh...that is a uh...interesting question...um...uh...I'm trying to think of something humorous to say...uh.

BRING ON THE YANKEES!!

The Anaheim Angels beat the Texas Rangers 10-5 today to clinch their first playoff appearance since the fateful year of 1986. We'd just like to go on record as saying we had no doubt it would happen. It was in the bag the whole time.

WE QUOTE, YOU DECIDE

Bill O'Reilly got a tad upset with a pair of freshman who read Approaching the Qur'án: The Early Revelations and didn't share his views about the book when we got this gem:

O'REILLY: But look gentleman, you're freshman. I've been through grad school twice and college. Here's what it is, any professor not giving you the whole story, any book that doesn't give you a balanced account, take it for what it's worth: an agenda-driven vehicle.

Gosh, to a more cynical watcher, it seems that Bill could have been talking about his own talk show, huh?

IT ABSOLUTELY CANNOT HAPPEN!! (CAN IT?)

As Angel fans, we have been waiting patiently for the Angels to clinch their first playoff appearance in 16 years since Saturday. One single win, and the Angels are in. So, when the Halos lost Saturday, no big deal. Sunday's loss was slightly disconcerting, but nothing to get nervous about, right? Tuesday's loss, a 2-1 defeat at the hands of the Texas Rangers, was disappointing, and frankly, we became a bit nervous. Tonight's 4-3 loss to Texas has us down right concerned.

If the Angels lose the next 4 games, and the Mariners win the next 4, there will be a one game playoff in Seattle to determine the Wild Card team. We'll be the first to admit that if that were to happen, there is NO WAY the Angels will win that playoff game, so our beloved Angels had better win a game beforehand.

By the way, we would like to dispell the rumor that our staff and Matt Welch have entered into a mutual suicide pact should the Angels not make the playoffs. We'll probably do it, but there is no formal pact, or anything.

DID TONY KNOW ABOUT THIS?

A story in today's LA Times begins with this paragraph:

Iraq will not be able to produce a nuclear weapon as long as U.N. sanctions remain effective, and Baghdad is at least five years away from building a workable nuclear device even if sanctions were removed, according to a dossier released Tuesday by the British government.

IN ARGUENDO'S MOVIE REVIEW

We caught the movie Barbershop, and despite what Jesse Jackson says, it's good fun.

The movie is the story of Calvin, who inherited his father's barbershop, but yearns for other things. During the one day the movie depicts, Calvin comes to realize that the shop represents far more to the neighborhood than merely a place to get a haircut. Ice Cube, who is a better actor that he gets credit for, plays Calvin, but Cedric The Entertainer steals the show playing Eddie, a veteran barber who has an opinion on everything.

The problem with the movie, according to Jackson, is that the movie has some scenes disrespecting Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King. The movie also disrespects O.J. Simpson and Rodney King in the same scenes, but Jackson doesn't seem too upset about that.

The fact of the matter is, Barbershop IS a comedy, and it's pretty funny. The producers of the movie must be thrilled with Jackson causing a stink, because it clearly will jack up ticket sales. Jackson is requesting that the scenes that offend him should be cut from the video's and DVD's, and that would be a shame. Censorship is never a laughing matter, and that is exactly what Jackson ir promoting.

Overall, Barbershop is a cute little movie, and most people will probably get a laugh out of it.

WELCOME TO REALITY, TOM

Tom Daschle suddenly grew some won-tons and accused President Bush of politicizing the war with Iraq. The only thing we are wondering is what took Daschle so long to figure that out.

THIS WAS SCARY, UNTIL...

Reading our Sunday LA Times took a frightening turn this morning when, on the commentary page, we saw this headline:

Don't Snicker ... Bill Simon Could Actually Win

The first sentence was even scarier:

I predict Bill Simon Jr. will defeat Gray Davis.

Holy cow! Could this be real? Could we really be in danger of losing our wager with the overly sensitive Bill Quick over at The Daily Pundit?

Luckily, our hearts stopped racing when we saw who wrote the article. It was penned by Shawn Steel, who happens to be chairman of the California Republican Party.

Whew!